A Priori, A Posteriori

019. Countdown-- Cosmos, Jazz, Skyfire, Wheeljack -- Rating PG


Ten Times that they shared shy, friendly smiles across the recroom. One curious, and the other lonely but smiling anyway. Sometimes Cosmos wished he had a chance to get to know Jazz better.


Nine Days they spent together on a mission to monitor the Decepticons that went normally, and nine days that they spent in the Decepticon brig. Cosmos didn’t like to think about those days. Watching the other be hurt while he was ignored in a tiny cell. He was a nobody to the Decepticons, a nobody that couldn’t even protect his teammate.


Eight Months that passed before Cosmos got a chance to speak to Jazz alone and attempt to apologize. Jazz had just shaken his head and patted Cosmos on the head with a smile.

“Don’t worry about it mechlet,” Jazz smiled optics bright. “It is in the past and Ratchet patched me up good.”

Cosmos struggled to smile back with his optics, “If you say so. But I would like you to know I am sorry.”

Jazz walked away with a wave, “And I said don’t worry about it. Now if you will excuse me I have me a date with Prowl.”


Seven Weeks after that, Cosmos was finally feeling over the entire incident even if he couldn’t look Jazz in the optics still.

He was finally feeling able to talk to others in the Recroom again. He laughed as he sat beside Skyfire in the recroom. The shuttle was always very kind, he didn’t understand why the others mistrusted him.


Six Days after he got overcharged and kissed the large flyer he was still hiding. Skyfire had pushed him away so fast afterwards, he knew he offended the mech.


Five Klicks into his surveillance mission, he learned why. Skyfire was still seeing his old lover. He wouldn’t report them, it seemed wrong to do so, but at least he knew now it wasn’t just because it was him. The thoughts distracted him and he crashed. The injury was minor but he would still have to visit the medbay.


Four Hours of watching Wheeljack, Ratchet, and Perceptor working together in the medbay, laughing and joking, and all he wanted to do was curl up and recharge back in his quarters. Sometimes he thought Wheeljack was a bit like himself, but seeing him at work made him realize he had been wrong.


Three Things had always kept him going in the past, his belief in the Autobot cause, his belief in Primus, and the words of his creator. His creator had always told him there was a mech or femme out there for everyone. Maybe it was time to face the fact that if his mech had existed at all they were probably long offline now.


Two Tears fell from his optics at that thought. He was going to be alone forever. His spark mate didn’t exist, no one would ever really love him. His spark burned as if someone was twisting an energy blade inside it.


One Sob emerged from his vocalizer before he muted himself. No one loved him, so why would anyone care about his pain. He comforted himself with the fact he was due to have a few months in space soon. Up there he could get this out of his system. The only thing worse than a mech who was always going to be alone, always the tag along never the focus, was a mech who couldn’t accept that and be happy anyway. He’d spend his time learning to be happy again in a world where his current lot in life was as good as it could get.


Zero, nothing. Not even dancing through a meteor shower could make him feel happy again.

052. Under the Influence -- Cosmos -- Rating PG-13


Cosmos knew he shouldn’t have. Jazz had been very over charged towards the end of the party when he came in and wasn’t in his right processor, but when Jazz had wrapped his arm around him and started whispering in his audio he had lost himself for a moment. He’d been a little overcharged himself of course, and that was how he ended up in this position, sitting in Jazz’s quarters in the dark.

He rested his head in his servos. He was such an idiot, his creator had always told him how important it was to wait. That Primus blessed those who waited until they found their spark mate.

He had almost tossed all of that away.

It had taken Jazz getting him flat on his back in his berth before he realized what was happening, realized what he was doing. He had pulled away despite Jazz’s half sparked protests. Jazz wasn’t thinking clearly. He had just had a huge fight with Prowl, everything about it was all messed up.

He stood slowly and made his way out of Jazz’s quarters, maybe they would both be lucky and Jazz would be too overcharged to remember what happened. He had promised Primus and his creator he would wait, he couldn’t throw that away because he was under the influence. No matter how nice it had felt. For a few moments before his processor had cleared, he had been able to pretend he was Jazz’s lover.

Under the influence or not, he would cherish those moments. It was moments like that that would hold him over until he found his spark mate.

029. Time -- Jazz/Prowl -- Rating PG-13

He regretted not spending more time relaxing and listening to his favorite songs.

He regretted those times he had rushed through his ration ignoring the other mechs around him

He regretted not spending those few extra moments in the berth in the morning after an evening with his lover.

He regretted not spending more time with Prowl, regretted not dragging him away from his work more when he knew Prowl was lying about being too busy.

He regretted his decision that it wasn’t the right time for them to bond. That they should wait until a time when life was more certain--life was never more certain.

He regretted not kissing Prowl one last time before they left for earth.

He regretted wasting his time with meaningless things. He regretted every moment of time he hadn’t lived to it’s fullest.

Time was a funny thing, you could never really knew when you were suddenly going to find yourself out of it.

Jazz regretted the time he had wasted, time he could never get back. He would however treasure the moments he had spent wisely, to their fullest all the more. For every moment of time he regretted he had many more he would never regret and would treasure.

As his spark faded into the well, Jazz didn’t focus on the regret anymore. His last thought was of Prowl’s servo holding his own tightly during a meeting. A little moment in time that they had made theirs.

When Jazz’s time ran out, he had no regrets. 

Summery: Wheeljack hated his scars...
Rating; T (further chapters may go up in rating)
Warnings; kissing between male pronounced robots

He sat down slowly and waited for Ironhide in his quarters, his mask in his servos. He hadn’t told Ironhide he would be there, wasn’t even sure he was ready for this but he was giving it a try. He shook as he heard the door opening.

Ironhide was tired. He’d been out all night on a long patrol and all he wanted to do was recharge. He opened the door and as his optics fell on Wheeljack he jumped back and yelled.

--
Wheeljack felt his spark freeze. Scars, scars weren’t something to, but Ironhide had said, but he had, nothing made any sense. He slammed his mask back on and tears filled his optics as he ran out past Ironhide.

It was over, he was disgusting and Ironhide would never want to see him again. It was all over for real now. He was alone, and now that he had had Ironhide for so long he didn’t think he could live alone.

--
Ironhide cursed himself but Wheeljack was already out of sight. He’d been shocked, he hadn’t expected it but now he had ruined everything. In the dark he hadn't even realized the mech was his Jack until it was too late. He ran after Wheeljack but had no idea where he had gone. He tried to contact him over the comms but Wheeljack had obviously blocked him. Damn everything to the Pit, he fell to his knees. He couldn't cry, he had to get up and find Jack, find Jack and beg for forgiveness.

--
Wheeljack locked his lab door and fell to his knees. He was done crying, but now it felt like his spark was being crushed into a thousand tiny pieces. Why did he think he had a chance? Why did he let Ironhide convince him that he had nothing to fear?

Ironhide had scars, he had shown them to him and some of them where horrible. His scars though were worse. He was hideous, a freak, and now he was going to be alone forever. A small part of him whispered it was better to be offline than alone but he tried to ignore it. The Autobots needed him. If nothing else, if he wasn’t wanted, he was needed.

--
Ironhide wasn’t sure how long he sat outside Wheeljack’s lab before Ratchet had come by and grudgingly told him to go recharge. Wheeljack would come out when he was ready. He didn't stop waiting for him though. Day after day he spent all his spare time waiting for Wheeljack to come out.

He didn’t know what to do, he was terrified that Wheeljack would exit at a time when he couldn't be there to talk to him so he started leaving things, leaving notes, gifts, and the like outside the engineer’s door. Everyday he returned to wait and hope something would be moved, that there would be some sign Wheeljack was coming out. Everyday he was disappointed.

--
It was six weeks before Wheeljack was forced out to attend a meeting. When he left he paused briefly at the notes and gifts but ignored them. Nothing could make up for what happened.

--
Ironhide was left desolate when he found out he had not only missed Wheeljack leaving the lab, but that the scientist had only cast a passing glance to the gifts and notes he left for him. He hunkered down outside the lab a thermal blanket pulled around him. Less because of cold and more for comfort. How many times had he sat with Wheeljack a thermal blanket wrapped around them both so they could share heat. He was going to wait. He wouldn’t miss his chance again. He’d spend every moment he wasn’t fighting or on duty right there.

--
Prowl hesitated, “I shouldn’t be doing this.”

Jazz gave him a slap on the back and smiled, “It is for a good cause Prowler. Trust me they need a chance to work this out. You saw them on the monitors they were good together. Don't you think Ironhide deserves a chance to apologize?”

Not really, but there was no arguing with Jazz, anyway both the weapon specialist and the engineer had been happier and more productive when they were together. Prowl nodded and handed Jazz the data chip. “That has the access codes you will need.”

Jazz grinned and gave Prowl a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Prowler ya won’t regret this.”

Prowl sighed and rubbed at his cheek annoyed casting a glance to themonitor, Ironhide was moping outside Wheeljack’s lab again. He hoped Jazz knew what he was doing, and hoped cursed himself for allowing himself to get involved.